Wanting

Wanting: \Want"ing\, a. Absent; lacking; missing; also, deficient; destitute; needy During the holiday season, it is very easy to feel like our current possessions are "lacking" and "deficient". Everywhere you turn, there is an advertisement for this or that. Even though you may only hear them in passing, they do affect you deeply. The advertisements are created to MAKE you feel want...like you are "less" if you don't rush out and purchase their item. Or, during this season, you are less if you don't rush out and purchase it for your friend, spouse, child, etc.

Recently, I took my grandma to the mall because she wanted to get some gift certificates for Christmas. I hadn't been out to walk the mall in a long time...and I found it completely overwhelming. The people, the noise, the bright and shiny objects! I started to find myself looking in the windows ... and feeling that WANTING that I so hate. I was in the mall for literally 5 minutes or less, and in that little space of time, the sirens sucked me in. I walked out chanting to myself "look straight ahead, there is nothing you need"! I am so glad I don't have to deal with that anymore this season!

I started to think about other ways that WANT is created in my life. I have discussed this before, but it's worth doing it again. It's an ongoing battle, and if you don't think about it and how it happens, it will control you.

I started with my email inbox. I went through and unsubscribed from every single newsletter, update, etc. that I receive. I was astounded at how many businesses/spammers have my email. It took several hours to complete this, and I am still doing "maintenance" unsubscribing daily. I needed to do this because there are several really fun crafty sites that I get updates for...and even though they are homemade, ethical, etc, I do not need them. Opening those emails only creates want. Having less emails makes me spend less time at the computer and have less distraction in general. I also unsubscribed from several discussion groups that I just didn't have time to read. From now on, I will make a point to be more protective of my email address. I know that spammers can get it without me knowing, but I will do all that I can.

The other "tool of wanting" that I've been thinking about lately is the TV. I know that most of you will agree with me on this one...but I want to talk about a certain genre in particular that I used to find harmless. The two channels that I used to give myself "permission" to watch, HGTV and TLC, are experts in creating want not just in their advertising but within the programming. What?! Say it isn't so! Yes. Think with me for a moment.

"Dream House", "I Want That", "National Open House"...these are three programs that create want in myself when I watch them. Basically, when you are looking over and over at lifestyles, people, and possessions that don't align with your values or your budget, it will only leave you "wanting". When you see "excess" as the norm, your standards and expectations start to change. The same principle applies to reading gossip magazines (i.e. People, Us, etc.). If you read it enough, focus on it enough, and desire to KNOW and imitate other's lifestyles enough...you will continue to WANT.

On TLC, there is a show called "What Not to Wear". The hosts go into someone's closet, basically tell them what a horrible dresser they are and how ugly they look, and they throw away (donate?) all of their clothes and give them $5,000 to go shopping for a new wardrobe. First of all, clothing is an extremely emotional and personal choice. When you come in an dissect someone's wardrobe, it's traumatizing. Secondly, I could buy a whole army a wardrobe with $5,000 (does anyone else think that is insane?!). With that said, I can see how it sucks people in because I used to be very entertained by it. But when I would watch them go shopping, I started to wish that I could just go on a shopping spree like that. I WANTED to be them. TV turns you into a happy little consumer.

John Piper, one of my favorite pastors and authors, calls TV the "great life-waster". He has this to say in his book "Don't Waste Your Life":

"The main problem with TV is not how much smut is available, though that is a problem. Just the ads are enough to sow fertile seeds of greed and lust, no matter what program you're watching. The greater problem is banality. A mind fed daily on TV diminishes. Your mind was made to know and love God. Its facility for this great calling is ruined by excessive TV. The content is so trivial and so shallow that the capacity of the mind to think worthy thoughts withers, and the capacity of the heart to feel deep emotions shrivels."

So, there you have it. In addition to creating WANT, watching TV turns you into a shallow idiot. Turn it off! (Please don't tell me that TV is educational. Get out there and LIVE life instead of learning about it on your TV).

I want to stop wanting. Looking back at the definition...I am not lacking, missing, deficient, or in need of anything. The only thing I am in "need" of is God's grace and forgiveness daily. I want to be satified by Christ alone.

*photo courtesy of davepatten/flickr.com

Clothing

Clothes. We all wear them (well, hopefully!). They can be a symbol of power and success …or poverty. They can be a source of ridicule at school or at work...or they can land you in the “cool” crowd. Do you ever notice how clothes tend be a major conversation starter? It's always interesting to talk with people about their clothes. You can learn a lot about people by how they view their clothing...where they shop, etc. Clothes are a powerful tool…but they can control us if we let them.

When you are trying to simplify your life and downsize your possessions, you can’t ignore this area. It tends to be avoided because clothing is so personal...there are often a lot of emotional attachments connected to it.

As I looked through my closet about 6 months ago, I started to ask myself some questions?

• Why do I have 4 plain white t-shirts?
• When was the last time I wore those shoes? Last year?
• Why do I “need” 6 pairs of jeans?
• How many pairs of socks do I really need?!

I had to look inward and try to discover why I felt like I needed all of these clothes…when there are others who have so little. I also started to wonder when our culture became clothes obsessed. According to the hgtv.com website, clothes used to be stored in chests or armoires up until after WWII...and then there was a bigger need for housing and they started to build closets as they build the new homes. This is also around the time that TV was being introduced to the masses. I can't help but think that all advertising created the false sense of need for more clothing. Even today...if I watch too much TV/advertising, I immediately start feeling discontent with my current possessions and feel like I need to buy more to be happy. After we stopped watching so much TV, I no longer had a "voice" coming into my home telling me what to wear, what to think, and what to buy.

Stewardship: What would Jesus say if he opened your closet door? I have to admit that I hadn’t ever really thought about what Jesus says regarding clothes up until about 6 months ago. Growing up, I had the typical attitude that you just couldn’t have enough clothes. And don’t even think about wearing USED clothes! *GASP!*. It takes time to change how you’ve always thought.

When I started studying on that topic…I realized that Jesus really doesn’t care about clothes much at all…and he tells us that we shouldn’t focus on it so much.

John answered, "The man with two tunics should share with him who has none, and the one who has food should do the same." Luke 3:11

But if we have food and clothing, we will be content with that. 1 Tim 6:8

"Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more important than food, and the body more important than clothes?" Matthew 6:25

"And why do you worry about clothes? See how the lilies of the field grow. They do not labor or spin." Matthew 6:28

He told them: "Take nothing for the journey—no staff, no bag, no bread, no money, no extra tunic. Luke 9:3

It’s clear that Jesus thinks we have better things to put our time, energy, and money into than clothes. If you are going to focus your energy on it...it should revolve around getting clothes to people who truly need them.

“But...I Need It!” Our clothing needs are really very minimal. Depending on where you live in the country (seasonally) and if you work outside the home, you will need a couple pair of pants, a couple shirts, undergarments, shoes, and a coat. That’s it. Now…I’m not saying that’s all we should have…but it will do us good to think about what a “need” truly is. I’m also not trying to turn everyone into a minimalist or say that clothes are inherently bad. Clothes are fun. It’s great to find that “perfect outfit”…I’m just asking you to think about your closet and what it says about you and what you value. On the Simple Living boards, there are several threads about clothing. In one of them, I found this little tidbit:

"I found out that the less you shop, the desire to shop would decrease. And eventually, when you are walking in a mall, you have this weird feeling while watching people buying stuff...thinking, why would people need THAT...and you suddenly feel like an alien."

I can definitely relate to that feeling...especially now that I'm not shopping at malls. It's a very weird phenomenon.

New...or Not When you are purchasing a new piece of clothing…why do you have to buy it new? There are so many second-hand stores, consignment stores, etc. that have racks and racks of clothes at a fraction of the price. You can look just like everyone else (if you want to) and have all the same brands and still have money to go out to eat. If you are someone who “just doesn’t shop at thrift stores” … examine why that is. Is that an attitude handed down through your family? Do you feel some sort of shame by not buying new? Granted, it is much easier to just run to the mall or Target to pick out the latest fashion. It takes a little planning to buy used, but it’s so much better for the earth AND your pocketbook. There are many fun groups and websites that focus on recycling clothing and "re-fashioning". I've shared them on another post, but they are worth sharing again:

Wardrobe Refashion Little Brown Dress

Passing it On Ok. So you’ve made the decision to downsize your closet. Where do you begin? There are several “methods” to help you decide whether or not you still need an item of clothing. I would suggest taking an afternoon and putting all your clothes in a big pile. Set up 3 boxes and label them “Give”, “Keep”, and “Not Sure”. Then get to it. If you think you should keep an item, ask yourself the following questions:

1. Do I feel GREAT in this?
2. Does it fit me correctly? Or have I just been telling myself that?
3. Have I worn this in the last 6 months?
4. Is it practical?

If you can’t answer yes to all of the above, throw it in the “Give” pile. If you having some emotional issues letting it go, throw it in the “Not Sure” pile. The key to going through your clothes is to do it FAST…the more you sit and think about each item…the more you will THINK you want/need to keep it. Clothing is easy to come by…if you give away something you need later, find another one. Also, it does help to have a friend or spouse do this with you…so that when you need a second opinion, there is one readily available. However, don’t ask your packrat friend to help you…she will only hinder.

A side note…I know there are some of you thinking, “What about my Aunt Berta’s pink leather jacket”! If you have heirloom items in your closet that you no longer want…you should ask around the family and try to pass them on that way. If not, take a photo of the item, put it in an album and write out all of your memories about it…and then get rid of it.

Where do I take it? Can I sell it? If you want to sell some of your clothes…try a consignment store. You can take your clothes into the store and as they sell, you will get a percentage of the profit. I prefer to just get rid of it all and be done with it…so I usually opt for Freecycle or Goodwill. Fill a bag, take it in, DONE. You could also take them directly to a women's shelter...they are always happy to receive nice women's and children's clothing. I have sold some nicer items online if I know there is a market for them and I needed some quick cash. You could also try a a clothes swap...or as I've heard them called, a "Naked Party" and invite a bunch of your girlfriends over to swap clothes. Here are the details on how to do it.

Disposable Clothing We live in a "disposable" obsessed culture. I have switched my house to completely re-usable/cloth everything... so why do I buy disposable clothing? The items that I've bought in the past from Old Navy, Target and other discount stores are usually a one- season item and then they are trashed. If I would have just bought higher quality to begin with, many resources (and headaches) would be saved. Now that we are Compacting, I'm not going into those stores at all anymore and my closet is so much better off! I think that is one of the great things about thrifting...almost everything I've found has been a high-quality brand that will last and last...but without the high price.

I've also found that when you have less clothing, you tend to take better care of what you have. With my "disposable" clothing, I didn't care if something stained it or if it ripped.

What does YOUR closet look like Sara? In the photo above, you can see what my closet looks like. The far left section is mine. Over the last 6 months I have gotten rid of about 75% of my clothes…and I don’t miss them! It’s so much easier to do laundry, to clean up, to sort…when you don’t have a mess of clothes in your closet. It’s immeasurably easier to get dressed in the morning when you only have a few choices. Since moving into the apartment, I’ve gotten a few more items simply because we don’t do laundry as much now. But I LOVE the simplicity of having less clothes. Less stress. Less mess. Less is good…now go clean your closet!

Contentment

It's been 2 weeks since we committed to the Compact, and the topic of contentment has really been on my mind. It's no wonder that so many of us struggle with it. As a nation, there is discontentment around every turn. We are constantly looking for a bigger house, a better car, a more exciting job...we are told every day by advertisers that we NEED all of those things...or we will be LESS than everyone else. Less successful. Less pretty. Less desirable. Have you ever paid close attention to those feelings that are created when you are looking at advertising or at something in a store? They are not happy thoughts. Thoughts of wanting, needing...the feeling that you are somehow deprived of the true joy in life if you don't act now. When I go into a store, I am now acutely aware of those feelings...because I cannot act upon them. I look at an item, and then I stop and examine the thoughts running through my head. Pretty crazy stuff. I've been trying to eliminate all sources of advertising in our lives over the last year or so...and it's been an eye-opening experiment. I knew that the obvious offender was the TV. But the others are not so easily detected. What about advertisements in magazines? What about the magazines themselves? Looking through magazines like Country Home, Real Simple, and others...I see so many things that I WANT. Oh the goodies! What about magazines like Health or Self? Looking at the women in those magazines will only create discontentment with your body. Now take a look in your mailbox...Crate and Barrel...J.Crew. More WANTS. Look in your email inbox. You will see passionate pleas for your to open their message. Sales! Buy now...before it's too late! The Sunday newspaper sales ads...full of STUFF to buy. Billboards that scream at you as you drive. And the most stealthy method of all...your friends. When you go to their house and see that they have something that is sooooo cool, you want it too. Even if you don't need it. I experienced this just yesterday. I was at a girlfriend's house. She has a rug that I was looking at buying a couple months ago, but decided against it. And even though I have a perfectly great rug now... for a moment, I thought that I needed that same rug because she had it.

As silly as it sounds, and as "strong" as you think you might be...it's so easy to get sucked in by all of these things. You may not act on your "wanting" impulses right away, but it's those feelings that just pile on top of one another, creating discontentment and desire, and pretty soon you're buying a McMansion and filling it with goodies from Pottery Barn.

The mall is another temple of wants that I try to avoid at all costs. The term "window shopping" is really quite silly. They should just call it "driving myself crazy by making myself want things I can't afford". And now they don't just make malls, they make "Lifestyle Centers". Made specially for you to MAINTAIN your lifestyle. They make it hard to leave...with the food, coffee, playgrounds, lakes, trails, movies, colleges (yes, in a mall), you do just want to LIVE there.

For me, contentment is clearly a spiritual issue. In the past, whenever I have gone on a spending binge, it has been during a spiritual dry spell. I also tend to spend a lot more when Matt on a trip and I am lonely. I spend to fill a void in my life...to feel "happy". That void should be filled with my relationship with Christ, not with stuff. But for some reason, buying stuff (even just a fancy coffee) changes my reality at that moment, but it's a temporary fix.

I like what Joyce Meyers has to say about this topic:

Contentment is a decision to be happy with what you already have. One dictionary defines the word content as "rest or quietness of the mind in the present condition; satisfaction which holds the mind in peace, restraining complaining, opposition, or further desire, and often implying a moderate degree of happiness."

We usually learn to be content by living discontented lives for a long time and then finally saying: "Lord, I don't want to live this way any longer. Getting this thing or having that thing is not worth it.

"I don't want to be miserable anymore. Just give me what You want me to have because unless You want me to have it, I don't want it.

"From now on I'm not going to compare myself with anyone else. I'm not going to be jealous or envious of anyone. I don't want what anyone else has. Lord, I want only what You want me to have."

The 2 things that really stick out to me:

• She says that contentment is a DECISION. It does not come naturally. Don't beat yourself up if it's a struggle for you...but you can overcome it.
• "Restraining complaining, opposition, or further desire". Further desire. Sometimes my whole mind is one big desire. I desire to be this, I desire to have this, I desire to be in another place, I desire a bigger or smaller this or that. To be content is to STOP all of those feeling that roam around your brain taking away energy. Energy that could be spent on the NOW. Enjoying your life for what it truly is. It's energy that could be spent getting to know Jesus better.

Here are some verses that speak about contentment. I am going to meditate on these verses and memorize them throughout this year as we take part in the Compact.

Not that I am implying that I was in any personal want, for I have learned how to be content (satisfied to the point where I am not disturbed or disquieted) in whatever state I am.

I know how to be abased and live humbly in straitened circumstances, and I know also how to enjoy plenty and live in abundance. I have learned in any and all circumstances the secret of facing every situation, whether well-fed or going hungry, having a sufficiency and enough to spare or going without and being in want.

I have strength for all things in Christ Who empowers me [I am ready for anything and equal to anything through Him Who infuses inner strength into me; I am self-sufficient in Christ's sufficiency.

Philippians 4:11-13

Don't be obsessed with getting more material things. Be relaxed with what you have. Since God assured us, "I'll never let you down, never walk off and leave you," we can boldly quote,

God is there, ready to help; I'm fearless no matter what. Who or what can get to me?

Heb. 13:5, The Message

Better is little with the reverent, worshipful fear of the Lord than great and rich treasure and trouble with it. Better is a dinner of herbs where love is than a fatted ox and hatred with it.

Proverbs 15-16-17

Though the fig tree does not blossom and there is no fruit on the vines, [though] the product of the olive fails and the fields yield no food, though the flock is cut off from the fold and there are no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the Lord; I will exult in the [victorious] God of my salvation.

The Lord God is my Strength, my personal bravery, and my invincible army; He makes my feet like hinds' feet and will make me to walk [not to stand still in terror, but to walk] and make [spiritual] progress upon my high places [of trouble, suffering, or responsibility]!

Habakkuk 3:17-19

Wow. Such a complex topic...I feel as if I have hardly touched the surface. But everyday that I resist the urge to buy stuff, I get a little more content with what I already have. Baby steps. Thank you Jesus for being patient with me!